Day Eight

For the next few days we will be adding a new tool to our tool chest (Boy, am I sick of that expression! We hear it every single day...) – this one is called “Solution-focused Brief Therapy (SFBT).”  The truth is this methodology is the one I have been utilizing throughout my rabbinic career. However, learning a more technically correct way of implementing it will be a great “tool.”  It is most applicable in a chaplain setting, and even more so in the context of the National Guard.  Classically, SFBT proponents suggest six or less sessions; in the military, it is taught to be implemented in two or less sessions. In the active-duty military, there is an inherently nomadic aspect to the troops; your relationship with a client may not be able to last very long.  In the case of the Guard, by dint of the fact that a drill weekend is only two days long with an intervening month, being able to address an issue in one to two days is practically a necessity.

One of the funniest moments of the day occurred at my expense. As a prelude to the class, the instructor gave us a classic ethical dilemma, entitled, “Who would you save?”  It presumes a nuclear holocaust occurred and lists eleven survivors besides you. However, only six – in addition to you – are allowed to survive in the shelter. You have to look at the bios of the eleven people and make your decisions based on the bios. Our group decided that a priority would be to save the child-bearing women, as procreation would be necessary to repopulate the world.  One of the eleven is a 3-month old baby girl, and I suggested that while she is not of child-bearing years, she would be for the next generation. While the other ladies may have children, they could all be boys; saving the baby girl would ensure there would be at least ONE girl for the next generation. Well, I was the spokesman for our group, and when I presented the fact that a) our priority was child-bearing women, and b) we would save the baby girl, someone asked, “Who would sleep with a three-month old girl?” I was going to explain our reasoning, so I raised my hand…  Doh!!! It took a few minutes to regain the class’s composure…

In the afternoon, class was interrupted so we could attend an awards ceremony, which was not only a nice diversion, but also allowed us to spend twenty minutes in a properly air-conditioned room. Did I mention that the A/C in our classroom barely works? And that it is 95 degrees outside?

We were dismissed early, as we have a bunch of homework, so I went to my room and worked out for 45 minutes before cracking the books – I HAVE to lose some inches off my waist; this is getting embarrassing!

Day Seven

This morning I attended the Jewish service as an observer.  Part of my training is to teach me the military way of doing services. Obviously, one cannot run a full-blown Shacharis service when you have not only Jews from so many backgrounds, but – if this morning’s attendance is any indicator – many non-Jews, as well.

Chaplain Soussan picked me up at 9:25 for the 9:30 service. His son came along to accompany him on guitar.  We got there, set up the equipment, and he began. I must say, it was very impressive and I cannot wait for my turn!

There were about 25+ soldiers in attendance.  Sometimes there are more, sometimes less. It is held in a non-denominational chapel that is set up depending on who is using it. He began with some nice banter, followed by some basic Berachot (blessings) said mostly in English. He said the Shema, as well as blessings for the Unites States, the military, and Israel. He sang Esa Einai (Shlomo Carlebach’s version) as well as Kee M'Tzion (also Carlebach) when he took the Torah out (it was unrolled and carried around the chapel).  He gave a very nice Dvar Torah discussing our service to God – if it should be for reward or not, out of love or fear – and tied it to their service in the Army.

Chaplain Soussan addressing the service

When it was over (about an hour) we moved across the street where he had wine, triscuits and dried fruit. Not much of a Kiddush! The point is for people to be able to schmooze and talk with each other, as well as with the chaplain. Well, it turned out there were three NCO’s who  were prior Air Force and they couldn’t wait to talk to me. All they wanted to do was vent at how stupid they were to transfer from the Blue to the Green (Air Force to Army). They knew there was nothing I could do to fix their problems, but they felt good speaking to “one of their own.”

Afterwards, I worked out for an hour and half, took my SECOND shower of the day, and got the van keys for my afternoon outing. I went to Reb Hesh’s to see if he needed anything; he told me to go do my shopping and meet him at the park to help set up for the Lag B’Omer barbeque. I went to Walmart and bought a griddle and a decent pillow, and went to the Mikvah to “toivel” the pan. I then went to the park, helped set up, and had a very nice time- with the community. They are all very sweet people.

John barbequing

Baruch, Rabbi Hesh, and John - what is it about grilling that men feel the need to watch?

Gathering around the buffet - it was 95 degrees out there...

It was time to check out the Piggly Wiggly – I was SO excited! However, it turned out they had less frozen foods than Publix. What they DID have was kosher dairy products – I brought some shredded cheese to add to my eggs!  

I just finished folding my laundry and I am ready for bed – after I take my THIRD shower of the day. Did I mention it was 95 degrees today in Columbia?

Day Five-Six

We finished the marriage retreat training program today. I’ll be honest; it provoked some serious self-evaluation and introspection. Of course, those are signs of a good presentation – which only excites me at the prospect of sharing this information with my Wing back in Memphis. 

At one point in the presentation, the chaplain was addressing the idea that spouses need to recognize that every character trait has a both positive and negative aspects to it. To do that, he divided the room and threw out a trait – say, being an introvert – and asked one team to brainstorm all the positives and the other the negatives. It was a powerful, visceral exercise in internalizing this idea. His point was if one’s spouse is caring, and you love that aspect about them, there will probably be negatives that come along with that. But if we want to do away with the negatives, we will also lose the positives.

He cited a Christian reference to buttress the point, and added, “Obviously, include one from your own faith tradition if you are presenting it.” Suddenly, I understood a Mishna in Pirkei Avos (Ethics of the Fathers) in a whole new light. The Mishna (1:6) reads:  “Judge everyone on the positive side of the scale” (The Hebrew word “Kaf” refers to the pans of a scale).  Usually the Mishna is used to teach the idea of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. However, in its literal sense, and in the context of the chaplain’s lesson, it can be understood as follows: when looking at a person’s character traits, one can choose to see the positive or the negative aspects of that trait (like a scale); choose to look at the positive side of the trait.

We can be inspired by anyone, anytime.

After dismissal, I went back to my room, packed for Shabbos, and went for a half-hour run. I showered and changed into my blues, as I forgot to bring Shabbos clothes with me.  My friend Matt, who has a car, drove me to the Publix where I picked up some flowers, and dropped me off at Rabbi Hesh Epstein’s home. Reb Hesh is one of the Chabad rabbis in Columbia, and he and his family were hosting me for Shabbos.  There is no minyan on Friday night, but he had guests – a family of secular Israelis to whom he has reached out – and the meal was very nice. In the morning, I walked to the shul, which is a ten-minute walk from his house, and is held at a local country club from whom Chabad rents space. Services began at about 0915, and we had a minyan by the Amidah. After Shacharis, the rabbi leads a discussion – this week, about Lag B’Omer – followed by Torah Reading and Mussaf. The whole thing took over three hours. Ouch.

This weekend was the Yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) of my father, so I davened Musaf and Reb Hesh let me say the Keil Maleh Rachamim, even though it is not the custom of Chabad to do so.  After services was a Kiddush, at which the bottle of Glenlivet came out. YEAH! The three+ hours were worth it!

We went home, had a short lunch, and I slept from 1500 to 1900. Nice. I got up, learned until 2000, we davened Mincha at the house, and had Seudas Shlishis, at which I made a Siyum in memory of my father. After Maariv and Havdala, Reb Hesh drove me back to the base.

By the way, I asked him if the Publix I found was the primary kosher food source for the Jewish community. He said it was one of them – but that down the block was a Piggley Wiggley with even MORE kosher food!

On Sunday, Chabad is having a Lag B’Omer Barbeque. I see hamburgers and hot dogs in my future, as well as a stop at Piggley Wiggley!

All in all, a very nice and spiritually reenergizing Shabbos…

Day Four

I am definitely a novelty among my fellow chaplains. A trend is beginning wherein my colleagues are "cutting" morning services to watch me pray! I had two on Tuesday and two more today... I don't get it, as it's certainly not much of a show.

We spent the rest of the day on the Marriage Retreat program we started yesterday. As the presenter keeps reiterating, "It's just another tool in your chaplain toolbox."

Seems one of my classmates spent nine months in Israel working on a Kibbutz, and started speaking pidgin Hebrew with me! Awesome!! We spoke a little back forth, and in doing so, blew the collective mind of the entire class - Love it!

After class, I met Chaplain, Major Soussan. Rabbi Soussan is an Army chaplain who teaches at the Army Chaplain School. He came to discuss my involvement with the base Jewish services on Sunday. There are two Jewish services held on Sunday (the military cannot allow structured services every day; it would not serve the "mission." So, as most servicemen worship on Sunday, that is the official day for Jewish services, as well), and as a chaplain-in-training, they want me stepping in and assuming responsibilities with the existing service. I'll probably just observe this week, step in next week, and eventually run the service. Should be awesome! There are thousands of army trainees on this base, and I am curious how many of them are Jews willing to "out" themselves...

I heard from the Chabad rabbi in town - he and his wife will be hosting me for Shabbos.  This Shabbos is the Yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) of my father, and I am so thankful that I will have a Jewish community and a Minyan (a prayer quorum) with whom to spend that day.

Day Three

The routine is beginning to set in. Get up between 0600 and 0630, shower, dress, eat breakfast, get to the schoolhouse by 0725, pray from 0730 to 0800, then class until 1100/1130 and then lunch until 1300. Class continues until 1630, and that it! Time to work out, eat dinner, get some work done and relax... and then do it all over again!

Today, we had a two-hour presentation about leadership. It was pretty useless, except for some priceless quotes from the presenter. Such as:

"Most people don't communicate; they take turns talking."
"If you ever get too big for your britches, you'll split your pants - and then people will see who you really are!"
"A leader who has no followers is a guy just going for a walk."

But he did provide a great definition of leadership: "Leadership is influencing people - by providing purpose, direction, and motivation - while accomplishing the mission and improving the organization." Nice.

After the break, we finished the couples counseling training that began on Tuesday. The rest of the day - and for the next two days - was spent learning a new marriage retreat program for couples. It is very interesting - but the best part was the video he showed; here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezVib_giTFo&feature=share.

At 1630, we convened at the gym for some physical training. We did push ups, sit ups, squats, lunges, crunches, etc. for about a half hour. Then we ran. Let me tell you something; if you don't work out for a month and a half, you lose EVERYTHING. I was running like the Flash in March - and now I am DYING!!! That's okay - I'll get it back!

This evening, my new LDS friend came to my room, and we had an awesome conversation, continuing the tradition I established last year at COT - becoming friends with the LDS guys! Last year it was Bryce; this year it's Ryan...

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Day Two

I found out yesterday what our daily schedule will be. It is too good to be true. The morning begins at 0730, but that is when the 20 minutes for prayer is held. There is a Jewish Chapel in our building, and I now have my own time and place to pray every day. How awesome is that! Class starts at 0800, and they consist of 50-minute blocks and 10-minute breaks. At 1100 we break for 90 minutes, and the day ends at 1630 (4:30 PM).  Then, most of us will be working out, followed by dinner and homework/studying, such that it is. Wow. This is SO not COT!

I was chosen to be one of the drivers. I took a computer-based safety course, and am now authorized to drive one of the vans. That means I’ve got “wheels” to go back to my new best friend, Publix!

Today’s schedule was a whole-day seminar on a program for working with couples, given by a guest instructor. We almost finished it; the rest will be tomorrow. He has a great way of teaching – and a great way of talking! I learned a new Southern expression from him – “If something goes caddywampus…” Now, I looked it up, because I couldn’t believe that one. Turns out there are TWO versions of it:

Caddiwompas: The state of being grossly out of alignment, skewed, or uneven.
Example: There was so much weight piled on one side of the van, it sat caddiwompas.

Caddywampus: It means kittycorner, or askew.
Example: The tornado blew the house all caddywampus.
The liquor store is caddywampus from the Lovely Mullet Hair Say-lon.

(http://www.slangsite.com/slang/C.html)

I am still not sure which one he meant.

His other great comment of the day was when he said, “That would not be equalitarian… or egalitrarian… or something ‘etarian!”

Good night! (I’ll add pictures tomorrow)

Day One

What a miserable night’s sleep.  I miss my wife and I miss my pillows (Melissa is saying, “Not necessarily in that order!”). I was told to report to the school house by 0730 for a “social” with my classmates, so I got out of bed at 0600 (I was up anyway; see supra) to give myself time to shower, shave, pray, and get downstairs to check out the daily continental breakfast.

The breakfast they put out is almost all kosher – kosher individually packaged bagels, cream cheese, cereal, kosher individually packaged muffins, fruit… but no Fiber One (my daily breakfast of choice/necessity).  We’ll work on that later.

I got to the school house and began meeting my fellow students. There are eighteen of us, and studying parallel with us is the group of Chaplain’s Assistants (enlisted troops who are assigned to… assist the chaplains!). We’ll be doing training with them at the end of the six weeks. After a half hour of schmoozing, we were all invited to the school auditorium to be introduced to the school leadership. Following that, we went down to our classroom, where we got to meet the Air Force Chaplain School director, who would be our primary teacher. Ch, Major James Hamel, a Catholic Priest, is a great teacher, a superb officer, and very decent man. I am honored to learn from him. His first lecture was on the Role of a Military Chaplain, and he just reaffirmed why I love this job.

The front of the Armed Forces Chaplaincy Center. It is a horseshoe, with the center part being Army, the right being Air Force and the left being Navy.

This is the left side (Navy) - note the large blue anchor to the left of the door...

This, of course, is the right entrance. Can we not agree that an F-22 on a bombing run is WAY cooler than a big, blue anchor? (The Army has nothing in front of their door - I suppose they would say they are too cool for anything...)

Speaking of jobs, one of the items of the day was the assignment of class positions. While I am the oldest student (by at least 15 years), I am not the oldest in rank. So Ch Zimmerman (no, not Jewish) is the class president. As I looked down the list of positions, there was only one that jumped out at me. As Ch Hamel went down the list asking for volunteers for different roles, I waited. Finally it was my turn. “Treasurer?” he said, and my hand shot up. The whole room erupted in laughter. I sheepishly said, “Hey, I’m just trying to uphold the stereotype!”

Ch Hamel, while a devout chaplain, has been in the Air Force long enough to have picked up ALL the cool slang, and we are learning new phrases already. For example, he was trying to explain “Running from the flag pole,” which is how you describe guys who have let down their guard in terms of military customs and courtesies. To explain it, he recounted a story relating to his deployment to Afghanistan when a group of soldiers approached, “armed-up” (wearing their flak jackets and other military paraphernalia) and walking full of “battle rattle” (you get it). When they saw him, they just yelled out, “Hey, Chap!”  They were “running from the flag pole.”

After class, me and two new friends went on a 2-mile run and then, after showering, we went shopping. Now that I have a kitchen, and a nice break for lunch, I will be doing all my own cooking and eating – YEAH! No more MRE’s for dinner!! Toto, we’re not at COT anymore!!

They first drove to Chik-fil-a for dinner, where I dutifully sat and mediated a debate between the Mormon and the Southern Baptist as to who is a real Christian and who isn’t. Then we went to Walmart. My primary objective was to find Morningstar Farms products – which they were out of. But then I found a kosher food aisle, and stocked up on Tradition soups, as well as fruit, tuna, salad, milk, and Fiber One (!).  After that, we found a Publix, perhaps the BEST grocery store for kosher food outside of a large Jewish community. Not only did they have Morningstar Farms, but they had a whole kosher frozen food section! I stocked up on those kosher burrito things and some Meal Mart frozen foods. It was awesome. When I came home, I ate and went to sleep. Hopefully, I’ll sleep better.

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Travel Day

Not much to report this pre-Day One.  Flying in the uniform of United States Air Force officer has its perks.  When I went through security, I kept setting off the detector. Had I been wearing anything less than a uniform, they would have done a full body cavity search on me. I went through five times before they realized that I still had on my watch. Thank you, Mr. Attentive TSA Guy. As I was gathering my things, another TSA guy said, “Thanks for your service, sir.” Being a nice guy, I answered back, “Thanks for YOUR service.” He paused, and responded, “Yeah, but you guys have much cooler toys!”  I couldn’t wreck the moment and tell him I was a chaplain…

In Charlotte, as I waited for my connector and watched the Grizzlies go down in flames, I saw a young Air Force enlisted guy. Doing the good “Chaplain” thing, I went over to him and asked how he was doing. He seemed so glad that an officer was addressing him in a civil tone of voice. Its moments like that when I realize the role – and value – of a chaplain to the average troop. They are so happy to have someone pat them on back and ask how they are doing. A smile from an officer goes a long, long way.

I landed in Columbia, and took a cab to the base. Fort Jackson is the largest Army facility in the country. 52% of all male soldiers and 80% of all female soldiers are initially trained here. All in all, they train over 55,000 soldiers a year. One of its many functions is to house the Joint Armed Forces Chaplaincy Center. As a result of the Base Closure and Realignment (BRAC – don’t ask how that equals BRAC; it just does!) closings, the military decided that all the chaplains should be trained in one facility, rather than three separate ones. There is now one building with three wings, one for each branch. So while we all train separately, we share the same general facility (ie, there is one set of chapels, one break room, etc). 

I am housed at the Fort Jackson Inn, a military housing facility across and down the street from the school house.

The Fort Jackson Inn (my room faces the back)

My room is outstanding! It is a like a Residence Inn room, with a kitchen, dining area, living/study area, and a separate bedroom. No roommate! This is truly awesome. And did I mention daily maid service?

Dining Room

Kitchen

Bedroom

Bedroom TV and Armoire

I got to my room at about 1830 (6:30 PM), unpacked, and made myself comfortable. I had a microwavable chili package I brought from home for dinner, and time for bed. I have no idea what’s coming tomorrow.

AND NOW... Basic Chaplain School!

Dear Readers,

It has been a year since I completed Commissioned Officer Training.  Since that time, I have had amazing experiences serving with my unit in the Tennessee Air National Guard.  First of all, the unit received funding to provide firemen seven days a week (before, they contracted with the Memphis Fire Department on the weekends). What that means to me is that on drill weekends, whereas I used to spend Friday night alone in the firehouse, I am now accompanied by at least two other troops. I'm not going to lie; I miss the quiet of those Friday nights... Now, when I sit down to my Friday night Shabbat Dinner, there is usually a TV on and they guys are eating pork chops or something. Hey, it is what it is - and, as we say in the Air Force, "Mission First!"

I have a monthly Saturday afternoon "social" with the Wing Commander. It's a blast! Each month I bring a different single malt Scotch, and we have been going on a liquid tour of Scotland. Lately, we've been joined by the Assistant Wing Commander; he's being groomed to take over, so he needs to know our routine!

I put together and delivered a presentation on Suicide Prevention earlier in the year. It went over very well, and as a result, I have been in high demand for counseling sessions on drill weekends. I also started a monthly "Old Testament Bible Study" that I do on Saturdays during drill; I hate to say it, but I get more people on average than the Protestant and Catholic services combined!

However, that has all been done in the absence of my "official" Chaplain Training. And that begins next week! I leave for Fort Jackson, SC (outside of Columbia, SC) on Sunday, May 15th. Class begins Monday morning and runs through Friday, June 24th. I am very much looking forward to this!

First of all, this should be nothing like COT. I imagine everything will be a little lower key. Additionally, we will be treated like the officers we are, not like the "hazing" and initiations we had to endure last year at COT. The course schedule has not yet been distributed, but the program focuses on counseling - individual, marriage, suicide prevention, etc. - appropriate prayers for the military, chaplain responsibilities in the field, interaction with the Chaplain's Assistants, ecumenicism... you get the point. I imagine for the newly ordained clergy, this is all new material. I have been doing this stuff for two decades...

Additionally, I am off for Saturdays, so I hope to be able to go into Columbia for the weekends and spend Shabbos with the Chabad rabbi there. I was also given permission to leave for the two days of Shavuos, but I am responsible for the material that will be taught those days.

I will hopefully be better at updating the blog this time. Last year, I didn't have access to Blogger.com; I had to write the blogs and email them to my son, and sometimes they didn't get posted in time, and sometimes I mailed them late... Now, I have a rooted Android phone, so I have my own hotspot!! No more military censorship!!!

So have a great weekend, and stay tuned next week for the beginning of "The Rabbi Goes to Officer Training - Part II"!

Epilogue

Class picture - Major Haigh is in the back row, far left. I lost about 7 pound from the time that picture was taken until I left... My roomate, Bryce Coombs is standing to my left (your right)

Looking back, my five weeks at COT were some of the greatest days of my life. I held my own with people less than half my age, and pushed myself to do things I never thought I could do. I learned things about myself that didn’t make me proud – but I am inspired to work on them. I learned so much from so many people, from Major Haigh to my roommate, Bryce Coombs. I developed a whole new understanding of religious pluralism and found that experience did wonders for my own religious identity and convictions. In so many ways, I wish I had done this twenty five years ago. I believe I would have been a better person, a better husband and a better father. 

 

Coming home was weird. I found myself walking with cupped hands and turning sharp corners. One of my children claimed he was keeping a count of how many stories I recounted of my experiences. I saw things from very different perspectives, looking for structure and order were there was very little. I chilled after a while, but I view things very differently. 

 

Coming back to my Guard unit was even stranger. I had been told countless times that the Guard is just a different animal than active duty Air Force – but I had no idea. The first day I came back I made a bee-line for the base commander’s office (Col Montgomery). He put out his hand and I preempted him by standing at attention, snapping a salute, and said, “SIR, Chaplain Captain Friedman reports!” – he laughed and said (with his heavy Southern drawl), “Boy, we’re gonna have to unstarch the crap outta you!” So many of the customs and courtesies that had been drilled in to my head – NEVER standing with your hands in your pockets, haircuts to standards, proper greetings, of course saluting – are not really a big deal here. At the first Commander’s Call (the roll call for the wing leadership), I was congratulated for completing the course, at which point Col Montgomery announced, “Watch it – he’s all fired up!” to which I responded, “SIR! The Kool-Aid was blue and I drank of it copiously!!” It’s really how I feel.  I am so proud to wear this uniform; I wish I could wear it every day. So what will happen when my four years are up? Who knows? I will be (God-willing) a functioning attorney – will I have time for this? 

 

Next up will be my six-week Basic Chaplain Course (BCC). I am supposed to finish it with 24 months of my commissioning (Dec ‘11). However, the dates of the course have to work with my law school schedule; this year, I couldn’t have done it.  I was assured that next year they will have more dates available – but if not this year, they will give me a waiver to take it when I finish school in May ’12. My dream is finishing school, studying for the bar exam, taking the exam in July/August and then leaving for a 6-month deployment (covering the High Holidays and Passover). I REALLY want to go… 

 

We’ll see.

Thirty Third Day

Wake up at 0600 – Maj Haigh came to do our room inspection (make sure we hadn’t burned our dresser or anything) and when it was over, he called us all into the Common Area where he gave us our diplomas and our final RMO (round metal object) as a graduation present. We gave him our graduation present. He was so excited about deploying this fall, and he had just qualified on the M-4 rifle. He also had told us about one of his most prized possessions, his great-grandfather’s bayonet.  So we bought him a bayonet for the M-4.  He was truly touched. SCORE!
 

We went to breakfast, came back and chilled until 0915 when we began forming up for the parade. It was REALLY hot out there, and within minutes we were all sweating, staining our blue shirts in most unattractive ways. As I have shared before, I am a column leader which means that I am first in the column (out of the four columns). I love being in front, seeing all that is going on. But I also can’t sneak a quick sweat-wipe, so the sweat just poured forth unchecked.

Marching onto the parade ground - not that you can tell, but if you look at the front row, I am the second person from the right (next to the tall guy)

Standing at attention on the parade ground - not that you can tell, but that's me, indicated by the arrow...

Up until this morning, we had been practicing to a recording, and we had our march cadence down cold. This morning, we had a live band – and they must have had quite a bit of coffee today; their cadence seemed twice as fast! Totally threw us off!

The band - SLOW DOWN!!!

The bleachers were full of family and friends (not for me… boohoo) and we did an acceptable job. As we passed the reviewing stand we suddenly heard someone yell, “I love you, Papa!” – it was Major Haigh giving us his send-off. We reformed, marched forward, repeated our oath and threw our caps – and it was ALL OVER! We gathered around for pictures and good byes, and we couldn’t get off that parade field fast enough. I ran back to my room, took a quick shower, changed into civilians (it felt SO weird), grabbed my bag (I had packed everything else yesterday), and took off. Did I mention previously that my freon was gone and I had no A/C? And that it was 96 degrees? I drove to a service station that was recommended by Maj Haigh’s wife – and they were closed. I spent an hour looking for someone else who would do it, but they all said they needed at least 1.5 hours… so I just left. After the last five weeks, what’s another day of sweat? I can handle it - I just want to get home…