Day Five-Six

We finished the marriage retreat training program today. I’ll be honest; it provoked some serious self-evaluation and introspection. Of course, those are signs of a good presentation – which only excites me at the prospect of sharing this information with my Wing back in Memphis. 

At one point in the presentation, the chaplain was addressing the idea that spouses need to recognize that every character trait has a both positive and negative aspects to it. To do that, he divided the room and threw out a trait – say, being an introvert – and asked one team to brainstorm all the positives and the other the negatives. It was a powerful, visceral exercise in internalizing this idea. His point was if one’s spouse is caring, and you love that aspect about them, there will probably be negatives that come along with that. But if we want to do away with the negatives, we will also lose the positives.

He cited a Christian reference to buttress the point, and added, “Obviously, include one from your own faith tradition if you are presenting it.” Suddenly, I understood a Mishna in Pirkei Avos (Ethics of the Fathers) in a whole new light. The Mishna (1:6) reads:  “Judge everyone on the positive side of the scale” (The Hebrew word “Kaf” refers to the pans of a scale).  Usually the Mishna is used to teach the idea of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. However, in its literal sense, and in the context of the chaplain’s lesson, it can be understood as follows: when looking at a person’s character traits, one can choose to see the positive or the negative aspects of that trait (like a scale); choose to look at the positive side of the trait.

We can be inspired by anyone, anytime.

After dismissal, I went back to my room, packed for Shabbos, and went for a half-hour run. I showered and changed into my blues, as I forgot to bring Shabbos clothes with me.  My friend Matt, who has a car, drove me to the Publix where I picked up some flowers, and dropped me off at Rabbi Hesh Epstein’s home. Reb Hesh is one of the Chabad rabbis in Columbia, and he and his family were hosting me for Shabbos.  There is no minyan on Friday night, but he had guests – a family of secular Israelis to whom he has reached out – and the meal was very nice. In the morning, I walked to the shul, which is a ten-minute walk from his house, and is held at a local country club from whom Chabad rents space. Services began at about 0915, and we had a minyan by the Amidah. After Shacharis, the rabbi leads a discussion – this week, about Lag B’Omer – followed by Torah Reading and Mussaf. The whole thing took over three hours. Ouch.

This weekend was the Yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) of my father, so I davened Musaf and Reb Hesh let me say the Keil Maleh Rachamim, even though it is not the custom of Chabad to do so.  After services was a Kiddush, at which the bottle of Glenlivet came out. YEAH! The three+ hours were worth it!

We went home, had a short lunch, and I slept from 1500 to 1900. Nice. I got up, learned until 2000, we davened Mincha at the house, and had Seudas Shlishis, at which I made a Siyum in memory of my father. After Maariv and Havdala, Reb Hesh drove me back to the base.

By the way, I asked him if the Publix I found was the primary kosher food source for the Jewish community. He said it was one of them – but that down the block was a Piggley Wiggley with even MORE kosher food!

On Sunday, Chabad is having a Lag B’Omer Barbeque. I see hamburgers and hot dogs in my future, as well as a stop at Piggley Wiggley!

All in all, a very nice and spiritually reenergizing Shabbos…