Day Fifteen

Happy Memorial Day. We are officially allowed to say that. I attended a Memorial Day service this morning, and the Commanding General of Fort Jackson, Major General James Milano, stated that the day was not for mourning but for celebrating the lives of those upon whose shoulders we all stand. Okay. I hope he excuses me for mourning them just a little bit...

The event began at 0900 at the Jackson Memorial at Gate 1. There were soldiers dressed in period uniforms from WWI through the present. While we were waiting for the event to start, an elderly man in a WWII uniform approached me and said, "Shalom! Mah Nishma?" Turns out he is a local Catholic guy who is obsessed with the Jews. He has been studying conversational Hebrew at the local Reform Temple. He confided that he wanted to convert, but his wife - a devout Catholic - will have none of it! What a gem!

After the opening prayer and the General's speech, there was a wreath-laying ceremony by the head of the local Veterans' Widows organization. That was followed by a 21-gun salute - but not rifles... GUNS! As in, CANNONS! They were behind me and there was no warning when they went off - I thought I soiled my uniform... (but I didn't...)

Color Guard

Major General Milano speaking (sorry for the weird color - I don't know what happaned)

The General assisting two widows with the wreath

The canons firing - notice the plume of smoke from the one to the right - it just fired (you can't see the third gun all the way to the right)

After a few more rounds - notice how thick the smoke is!

The Andrew Jackson Memorial

WWII Memorial

Afterwards, I decided to try out the ol' knee - so I went to the gym and, lo and behold, I got in a good three-mile run! Afterwards, I decided to go see "Pirates of the Caribbean," and when a friend of mine dropped off the keys, he asked me where I was going. He indicated he wanted to go as well, which was great - there are few things more lame and depressing than going to a movie theater alone!

I came home and studied for the big test tomorrow - wish me luck!

Day Fourteen

This morning I gave the "drasha," such that it was, at the Jewish Service! I got great feedback from the troops. I am REALLY looking forward to being able to lead the whole deal...

I got back to my room at 1145, and spent the rest of the day alternating between studying and watching TV. At 1630 I did a half hour of push ups and sit ups, but that was the extent of the exertion for the day! Tomorrow will be more of the same, with the exception of a Memorial Day event on base at 0900. I'll take - and post - pictures...

Day Twelve/Thirteen

We finished ASIST training today. There was one highlight moment of the day. The day was spent role-playing suicide interventions, with one student playing the potential suicide and the other the friend/counselor. At the beginning, one of the instructor's played the suicide and had people come up and try to intervene. One of the young chaplains went up and started asking him what was wrong. The "suicide" went off on how his wife cheated on him and she was all he had and he had no reason to live... The chaplain, with all earnestness, asked, "I know how you must feel" to which the suicide turned to him and said, "Why - has your wife cheated on you?" Without a hesitation, the chaplain said, "Not yet."

Awesome.

Class ended early, so I printed off my study material (we have our first test on Tuesday) and went to my room to change for my workout. I got to the gym and did a 4.5 mile interval run. I looked down at the display and thought, "I can run another 1/2 mile - let's just make it an even 5 miles!"

I began feeling it by the last 1/8 mile. Not as badly as I felt it for the next two days! More on that in a minute...

I arranged for a friend to take me to Reb Hesh's house at 1845, as he told me we would be davening at his assistant's house. I got there to discover the plans had changed, and we would be staying home for the night. He had a couple over for dinner (the guy grilling in the Lag B'Omer pictures posted previously), and Reb Hesh cracked open the 18 year old Glenlivet I bought him on base. Yummy!!!

One would think with some great Scotch in the system I would have had a good night's sleep. However, my right knee and hips were hurting me so bad I could not get comfortable. Nor did I have Advil. I tossed and turned the whole night until I finally struggled out of bed at about 0730. The 10-minute walk to shul was not fun - and when I got there, I helped set the shul up (they tear it down after each Shabbos service, as they rent space in a country club - they are moving into their own building within a month) which also hurt like the dickens!

I'm not gonna lie - last week I commented on how long the services were. Well, this week I decided that there was nothing I could do about it, nor did I have anything to read... so I may as well read slowly along with them. I must say I had one of the best Shacharis prayers I have had in a decade! We started at 0900 and ended at 1230 (!) after which we tore down the shul and went to Reb Levi's house (Hesh's assistant) for a big kiddush in honor of his birthday. We left at about 1500 and had a perfunctory lunch, which included an awesome conversation about the state of Judaism today (my favorite topic!) and I got to my nap at 1730... however, after an hour the pain in my knee and hips woke me up.

I left the house at 2130 - a friend picked me up - got home, took Advil and went to bed. Sunday should be better...

Day Eleven

Today we began ASIST, a suicide prevention program. The best part of the whole thing is that, as we are doing this teamed up with the Chaplain's Assistants, we moved into air conditioned rooms! Nice!

My plan was to work out after class, and then join in an Ultimate Frisbee game at 1900. However, after class I got into a conversation with one of my classmates, and African-American chaplain a few years younger then me. She and I ended up speaking until 2015 - it was such an awesome experience. Time for a late supper!

This weekend is a three-day weekend. However, on Tuesday is our first test, so there is studying to do. There is also a paper due next week, so I will take advantage of the down-time.

My son, Eli, arrives in Memphis tomorrow after spending a year studying in Israel. I will miss the blessed event; I trust he forgives me!

Day Ten

Very uneventful day.  Spent the entire day role-playing Solution-Based Brief Therapy. Planned on working out, but was feeling a little under the weather, so I took the van, stocked up on milk, fruits and veggies, stopped off at the base liquor store to buy some Scotch for Reb Hesh, and went to my room to watch the American Idol finale and get some sleep.

Day Nine

So I was the source of more hilarity at my expense tonight. I’ll get to that in a minute…

We are, theoretically, half way through the Solution-Focused Brief Therapy unit. The instructor is slow and deliberate, but very talented, so it’s worth it. Also, I saw Chaplain Soussan today, and he mentioned that he thinks he won’t be here this Sunday, so I will have the entire Jewish Service to myself! Woohoo!

Tonight, we were invited to the Air Force Chaplain School Commandant’s home for dinner. As a result, we were let out a few minutes early for those of us who wanted to work out. I had a nice 45 minute cardio workout, and then prepared to leave. In my case, that meant “packing” a dinner (well, putting my dinner in a Walmart plastic bag). We drove out to his beautiful home about ½ hour from the base, where we participated in a little ice breaker, after which all were invited to dinner (pulled pork, pulled chicken, Cole slaw, potato salad, baked beans… MMMmmm… I had two Morningstar Farms “Chicken” Patties on deli flats!).

It was during dinner that “it’ happened.  Eight of us were sitting around the kitchen table, having a deep conversation, when suddenly, “All The Single Ladies” by Beyonce, started. We were all looking around, trying to figure it out. They all started looking at me, and I said, “It can’t be me!!”… Then I pulled out my phone, and there it was, blasting from the speakers!! It seems that for our Orlando trip over Pesach, I made a Pandora station for my wife, called “Black Eyed Peas” – somehow, I must have pushed the Pandora button on my Android phone… and the rabbi’s pocket was singing, “All The Single Ladies”!!

I think we all can agree that 3 ½ minutes of laughter was a bit much…

Day Eight

For the next few days we will be adding a new tool to our tool chest (Boy, am I sick of that expression! We hear it every single day...) – this one is called “Solution-focused Brief Therapy (SFBT).”  The truth is this methodology is the one I have been utilizing throughout my rabbinic career. However, learning a more technically correct way of implementing it will be a great “tool.”  It is most applicable in a chaplain setting, and even more so in the context of the National Guard.  Classically, SFBT proponents suggest six or less sessions; in the military, it is taught to be implemented in two or less sessions. In the active-duty military, there is an inherently nomadic aspect to the troops; your relationship with a client may not be able to last very long.  In the case of the Guard, by dint of the fact that a drill weekend is only two days long with an intervening month, being able to address an issue in one to two days is practically a necessity.

One of the funniest moments of the day occurred at my expense. As a prelude to the class, the instructor gave us a classic ethical dilemma, entitled, “Who would you save?”  It presumes a nuclear holocaust occurred and lists eleven survivors besides you. However, only six – in addition to you – are allowed to survive in the shelter. You have to look at the bios of the eleven people and make your decisions based on the bios. Our group decided that a priority would be to save the child-bearing women, as procreation would be necessary to repopulate the world.  One of the eleven is a 3-month old baby girl, and I suggested that while she is not of child-bearing years, she would be for the next generation. While the other ladies may have children, they could all be boys; saving the baby girl would ensure there would be at least ONE girl for the next generation. Well, I was the spokesman for our group, and when I presented the fact that a) our priority was child-bearing women, and b) we would save the baby girl, someone asked, “Who would sleep with a three-month old girl?” I was going to explain our reasoning, so I raised my hand…  Doh!!! It took a few minutes to regain the class’s composure…

In the afternoon, class was interrupted so we could attend an awards ceremony, which was not only a nice diversion, but also allowed us to spend twenty minutes in a properly air-conditioned room. Did I mention that the A/C in our classroom barely works? And that it is 95 degrees outside?

We were dismissed early, as we have a bunch of homework, so I went to my room and worked out for 45 minutes before cracking the books – I HAVE to lose some inches off my waist; this is getting embarrassing!

Day Seven

This morning I attended the Jewish service as an observer.  Part of my training is to teach me the military way of doing services. Obviously, one cannot run a full-blown Shacharis service when you have not only Jews from so many backgrounds, but – if this morning’s attendance is any indicator – many non-Jews, as well.

Chaplain Soussan picked me up at 9:25 for the 9:30 service. His son came along to accompany him on guitar.  We got there, set up the equipment, and he began. I must say, it was very impressive and I cannot wait for my turn!

There were about 25+ soldiers in attendance.  Sometimes there are more, sometimes less. It is held in a non-denominational chapel that is set up depending on who is using it. He began with some nice banter, followed by some basic Berachot (blessings) said mostly in English. He said the Shema, as well as blessings for the Unites States, the military, and Israel. He sang Esa Einai (Shlomo Carlebach’s version) as well as Kee M'Tzion (also Carlebach) when he took the Torah out (it was unrolled and carried around the chapel).  He gave a very nice Dvar Torah discussing our service to God – if it should be for reward or not, out of love or fear – and tied it to their service in the Army.

Chaplain Soussan addressing the service

When it was over (about an hour) we moved across the street where he had wine, triscuits and dried fruit. Not much of a Kiddush! The point is for people to be able to schmooze and talk with each other, as well as with the chaplain. Well, it turned out there were three NCO’s who  were prior Air Force and they couldn’t wait to talk to me. All they wanted to do was vent at how stupid they were to transfer from the Blue to the Green (Air Force to Army). They knew there was nothing I could do to fix their problems, but they felt good speaking to “one of their own.”

Afterwards, I worked out for an hour and half, took my SECOND shower of the day, and got the van keys for my afternoon outing. I went to Reb Hesh’s to see if he needed anything; he told me to go do my shopping and meet him at the park to help set up for the Lag B’Omer barbeque. I went to Walmart and bought a griddle and a decent pillow, and went to the Mikvah to “toivel” the pan. I then went to the park, helped set up, and had a very nice time- with the community. They are all very sweet people.

John barbequing

Baruch, Rabbi Hesh, and John - what is it about grilling that men feel the need to watch?

Gathering around the buffet - it was 95 degrees out there...

It was time to check out the Piggly Wiggly – I was SO excited! However, it turned out they had less frozen foods than Publix. What they DID have was kosher dairy products – I brought some shredded cheese to add to my eggs!  

I just finished folding my laundry and I am ready for bed – after I take my THIRD shower of the day. Did I mention it was 95 degrees today in Columbia?

Day Five-Six

We finished the marriage retreat training program today. I’ll be honest; it provoked some serious self-evaluation and introspection. Of course, those are signs of a good presentation – which only excites me at the prospect of sharing this information with my Wing back in Memphis. 

At one point in the presentation, the chaplain was addressing the idea that spouses need to recognize that every character trait has a both positive and negative aspects to it. To do that, he divided the room and threw out a trait – say, being an introvert – and asked one team to brainstorm all the positives and the other the negatives. It was a powerful, visceral exercise in internalizing this idea. His point was if one’s spouse is caring, and you love that aspect about them, there will probably be negatives that come along with that. But if we want to do away with the negatives, we will also lose the positives.

He cited a Christian reference to buttress the point, and added, “Obviously, include one from your own faith tradition if you are presenting it.” Suddenly, I understood a Mishna in Pirkei Avos (Ethics of the Fathers) in a whole new light. The Mishna (1:6) reads:  “Judge everyone on the positive side of the scale” (The Hebrew word “Kaf” refers to the pans of a scale).  Usually the Mishna is used to teach the idea of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. However, in its literal sense, and in the context of the chaplain’s lesson, it can be understood as follows: when looking at a person’s character traits, one can choose to see the positive or the negative aspects of that trait (like a scale); choose to look at the positive side of the trait.

We can be inspired by anyone, anytime.

After dismissal, I went back to my room, packed for Shabbos, and went for a half-hour run. I showered and changed into my blues, as I forgot to bring Shabbos clothes with me.  My friend Matt, who has a car, drove me to the Publix where I picked up some flowers, and dropped me off at Rabbi Hesh Epstein’s home. Reb Hesh is one of the Chabad rabbis in Columbia, and he and his family were hosting me for Shabbos.  There is no minyan on Friday night, but he had guests – a family of secular Israelis to whom he has reached out – and the meal was very nice. In the morning, I walked to the shul, which is a ten-minute walk from his house, and is held at a local country club from whom Chabad rents space. Services began at about 0915, and we had a minyan by the Amidah. After Shacharis, the rabbi leads a discussion – this week, about Lag B’Omer – followed by Torah Reading and Mussaf. The whole thing took over three hours. Ouch.

This weekend was the Yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) of my father, so I davened Musaf and Reb Hesh let me say the Keil Maleh Rachamim, even though it is not the custom of Chabad to do so.  After services was a Kiddush, at which the bottle of Glenlivet came out. YEAH! The three+ hours were worth it!

We went home, had a short lunch, and I slept from 1500 to 1900. Nice. I got up, learned until 2000, we davened Mincha at the house, and had Seudas Shlishis, at which I made a Siyum in memory of my father. After Maariv and Havdala, Reb Hesh drove me back to the base.

By the way, I asked him if the Publix I found was the primary kosher food source for the Jewish community. He said it was one of them – but that down the block was a Piggley Wiggley with even MORE kosher food!

On Sunday, Chabad is having a Lag B’Omer Barbeque. I see hamburgers and hot dogs in my future, as well as a stop at Piggley Wiggley!

All in all, a very nice and spiritually reenergizing Shabbos…